For eleven months, I organized my entire life around keeping my husband alive.
I worked nights, took extra shifts, drove him to appointments, managed his medication, and learned how to survive on almost no sleep. So when his doctor finally gave us the news we had been praying for, I believed the worst was behind us.
I was wrong.
“Say it again.”
Dr. Kahn smiled from across his desk.
“The scans show no evidence of disease, Alicia.”
I shook my head.
“No. The other part.”
He understood immediately.
“At this moment, we see no evidence of cancer.”
A laugh escaped me and turned into a sob before I could stop it. I covered my mouth, overwhelmed by eleven months of fear finally releasing all at once.
Beside me, Theo sat completely still with his hands clasped between his knees.
I turned toward him.
“You heard him, right?”
“I heard.”
There was no smile. No tears. He didn’t reach for my hand.
I told myself he was simply overwhelmed.
For nearly a year, cancer had controlled everything. Theo stopped working during treatment, while I rearranged my entire existence around appointments, prescriptions, insurance calls, and hospital visits. Some mornings after a night shift, I would sit in the driveway because I was too exhausted to remember why I had driven home.
During the worst nights, Theo would squeeze my hand.
“When this is over, I’m going to spend the rest of my life making this up to you.”
I never wanted him to repay me.
I only wanted him alive.
And now he was.
Dr. Kahn reviewed Theo’s follow-up schedule while I carefully wrote down every instruction. Lists had become my way of managing fear. If something could be written down, I could pretend it was under control.
Eventually, Dr. Kahn stood.
“I’ll give you two a few minutes. The nurse will bring the final paperwork.”
When the door closed, I stacked the papers neatly.
“Okay. You sign this one, and I think this page is mine.”
Theo didn’t move.
I looked at him.
“I’m calling in sick Saturday.”
That finally got a reaction.
“You never call in sick.”
“Exactly. We’re celebrating irresponsibly. I’ll cook.”
“Don’t.”
I stopped.
“Don’t what?”
“Alicia.”
Something about his tone made me put down the pen.
“What?”
He looked directly at me.
“I want a divorce.”
For a moment, my brain refused to process the sentence. I looked down at the papers and straightened one of the pages.
“You still need to sign the follow-up sheet.”
“Alicia.”
“And we should put your next scan in both our calendars.”
“Did you hear me?”
I slowly placed the pen on the table.
“You’ve been cancer-free for about four hours.”
“I know.”
“Then maybe wait until dinner before destroying my life.”
His expression tightened.
“I’m serious.”
I searched his face for an explanation, a problem, anything I could repair.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“Then tell me why.”
“My decision is final.”
“That’s interesting, because I remember there being two people in this marriage.”
“I’ll get my things tonight.”
That sentence hurt even more than the word divorce.
He had already planned this.
“Why?”
Theo looked away.
I stood.
“No. You don’t get to announce this and then stare at the wall. Tell me why.”
“I’m sorry, Alicia. Really.”
I laughed once.
“You’re sorry?”
“I’ve waited long enough.”
Then he walked out.
For once, I didn’t follow him.
I didn’t fix anything.
I simply sat there until the words on the medical forms blurred through my tears.
A few minutes later, Dr. Kahn appeared in the doorway.
“Alicia?”
I wiped my face.
“Is he gone?”
“Yes. He asked reception to call him a cab.”
I looked at the doctor.
“Did you know?”
“Know what?”
“That my husband was apparently waiting to beat cancer before leaving me.”
Dr. Kahn pulled a chair closer.
“No. Theo never told me he intended to do this today.”
“But?”
He hesitated.
“There’s something you should know.”
My entire body tensed.
“What?”
“A few weeks ago, Theo gave me permission to tell you something if he ever followed through with leaving.”
“He planned this with you?”
“No. But he was worried that you stayed because you felt responsible for him.”
I stared at him.
“Responsible?”
“He thought his illness had made it impossible for you to leave.”
Anger hit me instantly.
“I worked nights. I drove him here when I could barely keep my eyes open. I sat beside him when he couldn’t even stand. And he thinks that was pity?”
Dr. Kahn held my gaze.
“Why he believes that is something Theo needs to explain.”
Then an old memory surfaced.
An email.
A consultation.
One night before the diagnosis that I had tried very hard to forget.
I grabbed my purse.
“Alicia, you don’t have to solve this tonight.”
I almost smiled.
He clearly didn’t know me very well.
“I know.”
Then I drove home to solve it anyway.
Theo was sitting at our kitchen table when I arrived. A duffel bag waited beside the front door.
“Dr. Kahn talked to me.”
Theo rubbed his face.
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